This has been an odd Christmas season. We have been surrounded by change and tragedy. On a national level we have cried as we read
the stories of the children shot down in Connecticut. This week there will be two funerals in our
church building that have sad parallels.
Both are young men, both fell from the path and both took their own
lives. One happens to be our
neighbor.
On Friday night I was putting my girls to bed when I saw the
lights flashing from several police cars and an ambulance. I calmed my girls down, put them to bed, told
my boys to go to bed and with Nathan walked across the street. I didn’t need to be told what I already knew
had happened in my heart. We sat with
our neighbors as they went through the shock, agony and pain of losing a son
the week before his 30th birthday.
No one should bury a child. The
hardest part with a suicide is the fear that they may be lost to us. My neighbor needed reassurance from me that
he was not lost. Nathan and our other neighbor
were able to give them blessings. We sat
with them and listened to their grief.
We mourned with them feeling helpless to do anything but be supportive.
Elder Ballard addressed the topic of suicide in October of
1997:
“The act of taking one’s life is
truly a tragedy because this single act leaves so many victims: first the one
who dies, then the dozens of others—family and friends—who are left behind,
some to face years of deep pain and confusion. The living victims struggle,
often desperately, with difficult emotions. In addition to the feelings of
grief, anger, guilt, and rejection which the victims of such a family feel,
Latter-day Saints carry an additional burden. The purpose of our mortal lives,
we know, is to prove ourselves, to eventually return to live in the celestial
kingdom. One who commits suicide closes the door on all that, some have
thought, consigning himself to the telestial kingdom.
Or does he? What is the truth
regarding suicide?
The late Elder Bruce R. McConkie,
formerly of the Quorum of the Twelve, expressed what many Church leaders have
taught: “Suicide consists in the voluntary and intentional taking of one’s own
life, particularly where the person involved is accountable and has a sound
mind. … Persons subject to great stresses may lose control of themselves and
become mentally clouded to the point that they are no longer accountable for
their acts. Such are not to be condemned for taking their own lives. It should
also be remembered that judgment is the Lord’s; he knows the thoughts, intents,
and abilities of men; and he in his infinite wisdom will make all things right
in due course.” (Mormon Doctrine, Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966,
p. 771; some italics added.)
I feel that judgment for sin is not
always as cut-and-dried as some of us seem to think. The Lord said, “Thou shalt
not kill.” Does that mean that every person who kills will be condemned, no
matter the circumstances? Civil law recognizes that there are gradations in this
matter—from accidental manslaughter to self-defense to first-degree murder. I
feel that the Lord also recognizes differences in intent and circumstances: Was
the person who took his life mentally ill? Was he or she so deeply depressed as
to be unbalanced or otherwise emotionally disturbed? Was the suicide a tragic,
pitiful call for help that went unheeded too long or progressed faster than the
victim intended? Did he or she somehow not understand the seriousness of the
act? Was he or she suffering from a chemical imbalance that led to despair and
a loss of self-control?
Obviously, we do not know the full
circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details,
and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth.
When he does judge us, I feel he
will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our
mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the
traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth.
We learn in the scriptures that the
blood of Christ will atone for the sins of men “who have died not knowing the
will of God concerning them, or who have ignorantly sinned.” (Mosiah 3:11.)
As I think about the worry and agony
of those whose loved one has taken his or her own life, I find deep comfort and
faith in the Lord’s promise and blessing to us who remain in mortality: “Peace
I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I
unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)
When surrounded by these tragedies,
I feel a renewed desire to hug my kids more and make sure they know that I love
them unconditionally.
I feel to become a
better person, to reach out to those who are suffering and help ease their burden.
Most importantly, I am thankful for a Savior
who suffered our sins and our pain and made an atonement for us, so that we can
repent.
I am thankful that he suffered
and died on the cross, so that we can be resurrected with perfect bodies
someday.
I am grateful that He will be
our judge and will judge us perfectly. That
is truly the meaning of Christmas.
