Expecting Expectations

I've always been blessed with good health. I've had four healthy pregnancies and never had any complications. This pregnancy has been a little more stressful for me than the past four. I can tell that I am older, and I am having issues that never came up before. A couple months back my thyroid tested quite low. I felt like my life of invincibility came crashing down around me. Then, it was too high, so it had to be adjusted. This morning I was measuring two centimeters smaller than I should be, and sure enough, the ultrasound showed the baby only weighing 3'11", when she should be closer to 5'.

I think the older we get the more fragile life becomes. I used to love to read tragic books, and reveled in the sorrow. I think when we are young and have no personal tragedy, we need to experience it through some other medium. Now that I have plenty of my own personal fears and challenges I don't need to gain it vicariously. There are some books that I can no longer read.

I'm still a pretty optimistic person, and I'm sure Danielle will be just fine. A friend of mine looked like she was measuring small and then she delivered a 9' baby. I guess time will tell. In the meantime I am just enjoying the end of my pregnancy.

These are the things that I won't miss about pregancy: charly horses in the middle of the night, constantly emptying my bladder, heartburn, sore ligaments, sickness and exhaustion, the fears and uncertainty, other unmentionable conditions. These are the things that I will miss: feeling the baby kicking, Nathan's extra attention and help, the way I look when I'm pregnant. I think pregnant women are beautiful.

It really is a magical stage of life. I'm glad that I get to go through this one more time, stress and all. I'll be happy when I have Danielle tucked in my arms along with my other children.

Tucked in my Arms

When I was growing up I knew a few people who homeschooled their children......and they were crazy. Somehow I ended up becoming crazy myself. I was unaware until later that my journey in that direction started when I was only 17.

That year I received my patriarchal blessing which said, "You will have a great challenge raising your children in righteous paths." Those words terrified me and made me never want to have children. When I was set apart for a new calling four years later I received an inspired blessing that gave me new hope and guidance. It opened with these words, "The Lord knows of your great fear of raising your children in righteous paths, but know that all will be well if you teach your children courageously."

When my oldest was only three, I attended a Church General Women's Broadcast where our prophet, President Hinckley spoke to mothers. He talked about some things we needed to do in raising our children. One of the things he mentioned was making sure our kids had good friends and making sure that they got the best education possible. I visited the school we were zoned for and knew that I could never send my kids there. It felt like a battlefield. I looked into private schools, but the cost was more than we could ever afford. I browsed Barnes and Noble and discovered the homeschooling section. I read "Homeschooling the Early Years" by Linda Dobson. The more I read, the more I knew that this was my answer.

I now have 7 years of homeschooling under my belt. There have been ups and downs along the way and plenty of insecurities, but this is the first year that I really can start to see the fruit of my work and it is sweet. My favorite time in the morning is when I wake up and walk out to see one child practicing the piano, another writing in their math notebook, one doing a Latin lesson on the computer and one coloring a picture. My house is a learning house and there is such a wonderful feeling here.

Of course it isn't easy, and we have hard days as well. I know that we live outside the traditional box; there are sacrifices that I make. But most of the time I am so happy. As I course through life, I tuck my children in my arms and meet my challenge of raising them in righteous paths.

The Happy Marriage

I find it ironic that I had to travel 553 miles to meet my husband when we were from the same place. I tried to register for a social dance class that would fit my schedule only to find that my first several choices were already full. Finally I found one that would work and added it to my schedule. On the first day of class the instructor taught the first simple dance and then told the men to go pick a partner to dance with. I braced myself to be one of the last ones to be picked, since that was generally typical for me; but to my surprise, a young man came straight up to me and asked me to dance.

Nathan tells me now that the moment I walked into the room, he saw me and knew that he would ask me to dance. Every class the rest of the semester he asked me to dance first. I have to admit that I was flattered, though a little unsure if I was interested. I had just ended a different relationship and wasn't exactly ready to jump into another one. But he was persistent.

A month after we met we went on our first date...to see one of the worst movies ever made: Captain Ron. Despite the movie, he was nice to talk with and brought out a side of me that I really liked. We dated for about 10 months before he headed off to Alabama on his mission. I was starting to like him a lot more but wasn't convinced that he was the one. After he had been out for a little over a year, I went to Alaska on my mission. The time that we wrote to each other was good for us. We got to know things about each other and I finally started to feel like this was right. Three months after I got home we were married in the Las Vegas Temple.

My mom says that it doesn't matter who you marry, because when you wake up the next morning they are a different person. I think marriage is a leap of faith. I'm happy to say that my leap turned out better than I could have imagined. He is a wonderful provider, has told the children a bedtime story every night for the past 8 years and makes me laugh every day. Of course we annoy each other at times, but most of the time we are able to overlook those minor imperfections.

This morning I woke up with the stomach flu. I knew that Nathan would take care of me and the kids. I had cups of water, toast when I asked for it and an empathetic ear. I would call that a happy marriage.