Emerging From the Dust

My goal when I started this blog was to have at least two updates a month.  During the last couple years with my increased busyness I lowered my expectations to once.  Last month was the height of my craziness and though I longed for a spare moment to write something down, I never had that moment. 

I am relieved to have my internship behind me...not because I disliked it, but only because of how out-of-control my life was.  I absolutely loved my internship and everything I learned, but there were sacrifices from all of our family to make it happen.

I must admit that I wasn't the best homeschooling mom much of the year.  My kids were given a lot more responsibility in their education and less instruction.  They felt a lot of pressure.  Few reprieves from the pressure were available, because I spent those spare moments catching up on home and doing my homework.  We had far fewer field trips, playdates and activities.  I felt enormous loads of guilt as I left my children once again to head out to my internship, while repeating my mantra of the year, "This is only temporary!"

I had little time to do all the activities that I love, missing two years of book club, neglecting my scrapbooks, and settling for a less-than spotless house.  I juggled a mighty load and dropped more than one ball.  My quest for perfection was thwarted until I finally settled for competency. 

Looking back, I remember a favorite quote, "Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better."  I have always had the dream of being a counselor, and while I still have much to learn on that journey I am starting the realize that wish.  When someone is willing to share the shadows of their lives with me I deem it a sacred trust.  I feel it a privilege to walk a path of healing with the clients who come into my life. 

I also feel that we all have grown so much with this burden.  My children have found themselves capable of more than they realized.  When they had to wait an extra 15 minutes or 5 hours to have help with math they often figured it out on their own.  They found new ways to entertain themselves without playgroups or field trips that were quite creative and ingenious.  We were definitely closer as a family with fewer distractions to pull us in a dozen directions.  I also know I will savor the moments that I once took for granted....reading a book for fun is a joy.  Playing a game without a care is bliss.  Going on an unhurried walk in the sunshine while chatting with my kids is a delight.

I am down to my last semester and have already been offered a job upon graduation.  The nice thing is that I set my limit and will only work 1 1/2 days a week, so that I can place my focus back on where it belongs.  It will take a summer and longer to dig myself out of the past few years, but we will all emerge better people for the work.  I am especially so grateful....  To my husband for making dinner several nights a week when I got home after him, for my kids with their tolerance for frozen soup or lasagne yet again, and most of all for Heavenly help that inspired and then strengthened me to do that task required.