I hate to say it, but I am really just relieved that last year is behind me. Even as I tried to savor the sweet moments of the season, there were other bitter times that marred this Christmas season.
I was a little homesick for our old traditions, and though we found a perfectly beautiful place to chop a tree, there were none of the beautiful, noble firs that we had at a 10,000 ft. altitude. Colorado will always be the home of our best Christmas trees.
My kids are growing too quickly, and I feel the years slipping through my fingers. I hate to see my youngest growing so big. She loved chopping the tree and tromping around the mountain. I remember our first few years of chopping trees, with aching back and arms from holding a baby and sometimes a toddler at the same time. This year I didn't even have to help carry the tree.
Holidays are infused with family memories and I was particularly aware of the absence of my father. Maybe the sadness you feel in later years is the tradeoff for the wonderful memories of childhood.
We had a stunning view of Mt. Shasta that was particularly memorable. After living on both the north and south side of this beauty, I favor the north side, which is in the shade of the day and is snowier.
As I reached the half-way point of my internship, the end feels a little closer, but I was far too busy this Christmas to my liking. I prefer more time at home with my children. My time felt too stretched to really savor our traditions.
I am generally not a negative person, and I have wonderful memories of this holiday season. Hopefully, when I look back, the sad moments will dull and the happy will stand out.
Still, I must again repeat my sentiments this year....I am relieved to have it behind me.
I have to say that some of my "blue" moments from this Christmas season came because I knew of the sorrow you are bearing. It gets easier, but there will always be those moments of sadness. I love you and hope you know that. Your beautiful family are such a joy to us!
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