One Month Down

Exactly four weeks have passed since Nathan left for Klamath Falls.  These past four week have been filled with many ups and downs.  I have found that taking care of the kids isn't a whole lot harder, since that is my primary responsibility anyway.  What challenges me the most is the loneliness of my days.  I am used to talking with Nathan when he comes home for lunch or in the evenings after the kids are in bed.  Communication by cell phone doesn't even come close to recreating being with each other.

I am more moody, and though I am amazed at how patient I have managed to be with the constant demands from my kids, I still catch myself snapping at them and then later feeling guilty.

What makes it worse is the fact that slowly but surely I am packing up our house.  Today I searched 40 minutes for the cord that transfers pictures to my computer.  I never did find it, even after tearing open half a dozen packed boxes.  I guess I won't post any more pictures until after we are moved.

The uncertainty is hard to take.  I keep our house as clean as possible with 6 people living in it, and have showed it weekly since we have listed it.  I have no idea how soon it will sell.  We can't buy a new house until we sell this one, so I live with the possibility of a house payment as well as rent once we move.   Not to mention the possibility of moving not just once but twice.

With keeping up two households in the meantime, our finances are strained.  I am trying to spend as little as possible, but it still feels like we aren't going to be in a position to buy furniture until a couple years after we move.  That wouldn't matter as much, except that our couch and recliner are shot and aren't coming with us.

My school luckily hasn't been as busy.  I am only taking one class this semester, so while it keeps me somewhat busy, it isn't consuming my life.  I still stress a lot about doing my internship next year.  It will take 20 hours a week for the entire year which will definitely affect how we homeschool.

This morning Danielle woke up with a fever and wheezing.  We have gotten a prescription, and I hope she feels better by her birthday tomorrow.  It will be sad to have Nathan gone.  I dropped off her prescription and thought about calling himn to pick it up for me on his way home for lunch, but then I remembered that he is in Oregon.  I miss his help in driving the kids to all the places they need to go.  I get to drop off and pick up for every hockey game, basketball practice, swim lesson (which starts tonight), scouts, seminary class, and doctors appointment.

I will be so grateful when our life isn't in limbo and we can once again put roots down for a period of time.  For now, I keep reminding myself that what I am enduring is so limited compared to single parents, the pioneers, military wives, and many others.  I just try to learn what I can from the experience and consecrate this time to the Lord.

I am going to the temple this weekend, and I am really grateful for the opportunity to seek light and wisdom in such a peaceful environment.  For now, I need to go fold another load of laundry.