This has been a strange 3 weeks for me. My boys have been with their grandparents in Nevada, and it has mostly been me and the girls. The house has been QUIET and for the most part clean. I can't help thinking at times that this will be my life in a short time.I have had more time to work on projects with a willing helper. Nicole loves to do anything with me, and especially as she has been so lonely. We clean, cook and read together. I also have worked through a list of 41 things that I wanted to get done while the boys were gone and I had the time. I have painted, rearranged, thrown away, scrubbed, traveled, and organized to my heart's desire.
I have also made some painful discoveries. I have not been meeting the needs of my younger children the way I thought I was, particularly Nicole's. I really believed that she understood what we were reading at family scripture study until she was the only child in attendance. I also have recognized how often I was taking my frustrations out on her when I no longer had any. I feel regret, but I also feel a resolve to learn from this experience and change for the better.
I love the stories of when Christ heals the crippled, blind and maimed. I love the stories of when He called the little children to his side. After much soul-searching, I believe that He can heal me of my impatience and anger just as he performed all the miracles we read about in the scriptures. Our weakness can become our strength.
That is my goal for this coming school year. I want my children to see a marked difference in me, due to the refining power of the atonement of Christ. I want to see a marked difference in myself. Instead of falling into all the same ruts, I want to travel down a new road.
I believe that with Him I can do it.
Larissa, I think you are kind of hard on yourself, you have amazing children. It is always eye opening to realize that our younger children do not always get the same advantages as our older children, likewise the younger ones will have advantages that the older ones don't get. It is always a struggle to balance oneself, I think you are doing a great job. Also beautiful pics of my sweet girls.
ReplyDeleteso true, i know i do the same thing. I know that one my children bears more of the frustrations from mom more than anything else, because she is always the closest one so she gets yelled at first. I am constantly working to better myself as a parent and it's so uplifting to hear of others going thru the same struggles. Especially someone i remember to be so kind and soft spoken i could never imagine you being rough or hard or mean to any of your kids, it's good to know we all have the same kind of things as parents that we wish we were better at.
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